Tuesday tunes {Take Me to Church by Hozier}

Ever heard the saying 'the music you listen to becomes the soundtrack of your life?'  I think it's great and in an effort to account for my own life's soundtrack, I'm starting 2015 with a new segment called Tuesday tunes; where I will post the current song (or songs) I'm obsessing over that week.

To kick things off, I wanted to share one of my all-time favourite happy songs... but then decided to be honest instead.  This week (and for the past few weeks) the song I've been listening to on repeat is Take Me to Church by Hozier.

It's a bit heavy and despite the fact that I'm a positive person by nature, doing my best to remain up-beat, sometimes there's no denying the wretchedness of human nature. That's what this song is to me.  An admission of how rotten and hypocritical we each have the capacity of being: persecuting those who are different and fueling hate.

It may seem strange that I'm sharing this, especially this time of year, but while I've had a magical Christmas, a festive New Year's Eve and am certainly looking forward to a fresh new year, a part of me (a part that I consistently bury) died this Christmas.  I am inwardly in mourning.

Some of you know I have a shaky relationship with my parents but what no one knows is that 2014 was the very first Christmas I've ever had that didn't involve them in anyway.  We completely ignored each other.  We both have our reasons.  Both equally mad, or stubborn, I guess.  Whatever. At the end of the day, we both feel that we are sacrificing chunks of ourselves to maintain a relationship with the other.

When I hear this song, it seems to fuel my anger at them and justify the role I've played. 'I'll tell you my sins, so you can sharpen your knife' are words that are too familiar and in a sick, masochistic way: they soothe me.  It seems I've tried my whole life to be worthy of my parent's love - something that's meant to be so certain and unfaltering - and I've struggled with its absence, but feel placated and comforted in this song's reminder that I'm not alone.