celebrate the small things | April 24

What a week it's been!  A truly marvelous one with lots and lots to celebrate!

1) my cosmos flower bloomed!  I'm especially proud of this because it's the first flower I've ever grown from a seed :)

2) my baby white winged dove is learning to fly!  it's amazing, and so fun, to watch.
(for those of you that know, yes, there were two baby doves - but we had a pretty bad storm here last weekend - hail and all - during which both babies fell from the nest... only one survived).

3) Will's aunt Amy came to visit!
Always sooooo much fun!

4) Will's mother came to visit!
I totally loved playing tour guide and drove her (a real first) around to some of my fave places in Austin: County Line on the Lake/ the Oasis and dessert at Chey Zee's. Will was out of town so it was great to have a real girl's day!

5) i've saved the biggest and best 'til last; and for added suspense I'll start by saying that it's taken many months and many denied applications ... but I've finally got a job back in the finance industry (what I was doing before writing... yeah yeah contradictory I know!  I guess I'm blessed to be both right and left brain-abled or maybe I'm not at all, since writing hasn't worked out... anyway), I feel silly for fretting over those other total loser jobs!  This might be the job of my dreams.  It's for a super-chilled company that specializes in business lending and other finanical services to small businesses so I'm stoked not to work with individuals!  But it also stands out because it encourages personal growth, hones individual skill sets and has some of the nicest, happiest employees I've seen anywhere.
Added bonuses include:
- peeps my age
- close to home in a brilliant wooded area that feels more like a country retreat than an office
- catered lunches EVERYDAY
- super laid back dress code
 - 7.5 hr work days

Yep, I reckon I've hit the jackpot.  I hope every one else has had a week as brilliant as mine :)
Right now I'm off to celebrate and make this weekend count since I start work on Monday!

Tuesday Tunes {Scare Away the Dark by Passenger}

Today's tune is called Scare Away the Dark and it's by one of my all-time favourite musicians: Passenger.  I'm rather surprised I've not mentioned him in this segment sooner, since his music is prominently featured in most of my playlists.

There are a few things I adore about this talented English lad and his brilliant voice.  One of those things is that his music has deep meaning that is relevant to today's lifestyle.  He doesn't sing constantly about love or heartbreak, nor does he try to be cool or fit in with pop culture.  Instead, he addresses significant issues through his music and Scare Away the Dark is no exception. The lyrics get me thinking, yearning for change and I hope they'll emote the same within you.

Passenger is surely doing his part to shake the current value system that's ingrained in material possessions, corporate careers and fierce competition with neighbours and peers; instead stressing the importance of reverting to simpler times and re-examining these beliefs that are wreaking so much havoc in our lives existences today.  The central theme in his music is: none of the bullshit you think makes you successful will ever make you happy.  And he's right.

Another major thing I adore about him is his humility and genuine generosity.  These traits are so rare among famous people, yet despite being a world-renowned, highly successful and award winning musician, Passenger demonstrates humility by frequently busking (street performing) for free all around the world - simply to share his message!!!  Then - in an act of the purest, most genuine generosity - he announced that ALL THE PROFITS from EVERY physical and digital sale of his newest album will be going directly to UNICEF UK and helping malnourished children in Liberia!  He's truly a man that walks the walk he talks - or sings about.

I'm in love with Passenger (who's real name is Michael Rosenberg but who goes by Passenger because, well - aren't we all passengers on this life train?), in love with his spirit, messages and music.  I hope you enjoy the song and have a great week.

PS// I've pre-ordered his album but even if you don't enjoy his music, it would be great if you could see it within yourself to donate to his wonderful cause. All the details are at his website and the UNICEF website.

this week's tip | open your mind

Do you believe in God?  Which God?  Vishnu?  Arianrhod?  Ahura Mazda?   Tsohanoai?

I believe in the faith of endless possibility.  To me, your God is as real as my own but so what?  Does what I believe really impact your life in any significant way?  Why are there people who always try to make someone understand things in their way?  Why is it important that you should agree 100% with me and I, with you?

My dad used to say 'leave the matters of faith alone for your heart to decide: it's a personal decision.'  That's resonated and stayed with me throughout my entire adult life, for I also believe we each have our own path that twists and turns us in its own way.  A way unique of any other that shows us different things and teaches us each a different lesson.  How could I ever possibly see the world the way a 50 year old man living on the Irish coastline would?  Or a 17 year old Somali girl?  Or Giorgio Tsoukalos?   Why are there some that think I need to?  Isn't faith meant to be a very sacred, personal issue to everyone?  Something that brings you comfort and bravery.  I mean honestly, what do you care who I'm praying to in the dead of night?  How does that touch your life at all?

The very idea of converting someone to your religion baffles me.  Mainly because no two people ever really interpret things the same way, but also because of how much one person can change over the course of their lifetime.  I've often heard Christians say that one Bible passage could come to mean two, or three, or even four different things throughout their own lives, depending on the reader's mood, situation, growth or change in life.  Which part then, would you try and make me see?

I dream of a world in which we are each secure enough in our own beliefs that we don't to try cramming them down the throat of anyone else; and not merely from a religious standpoint either.  A world in which government systems aren't so hell-bent on controlling every last one of us, that they feel the need to periodically fuel the hatred and underline the differences between us all.  A perfect utopia in which we are all open-minded enough to believe there is validity in every faith.

What I'm about to say isn't meant to sound like boasting, but I consider my own life as testimony that peace can be attained through open minds.  Consider me briefly:  I was born and raised Russian Orthodox in a communist society | despite a communist, atheist grandfather, who incidentally remains my most beloved relative | my mother is Baptist | my best friend is Baptist | I'm not sure about my bro exactly, but think he's somewhere between Christian and ancient-astronaut-theorist | I married a Methodist | moved to America where my closest friends became: (OMG) Muslims (what!), Greek Orthodox, transcendentalists, New Agers, Catholics and (sorry mama) atheists.  Oh, and can you believe I've somehow managed to befriend republicans and democrats (even a tea party enthusiast) alike?  It's baffling...or is it?  Because, in my opinion:  no one cares.  No one I want to be around, anyway.  My friends and I take each other at face value and leave personal beliefs alone, since we all believe you reached your own conclusions on purpose.      

It's so enriching to share your life experience with people from vastly different backgrounds to your own.  To discover how your silly buddy that makes you laugh so hard you get abdominal pain, can even have a sense of humour when he was raised in poverty in Bangladesh.  Or how your Iranian friend's entire family with Zoroastrian beliefs were simply told to convert to Islam and within a week had their homes stripped of any Zoroastrian book or artifact, who has legitimate reasons to despise Muslims, but doesn't.

It's an enormous world and I think it's fair to state that every 7+ billion of us have a unique perspective and personal belief.  I will never make you try and see the world through the eyes of a girl born in Kazakhstan during the Soviet Union era but grew up in Australia.  Nor could I ever fully adopt your point of view.  I do believe, however, that with an open mind we can empathize with each other and learn so much about what it is to live in this world.  Isn't that what we're here for?

Peace out.    

tuesday tunes {Youth by Daughter}

It's been a strange, introspective, educational week.  On Thursday, I saw the Theory of Everything at the cinema, which had a profound and lasting affect; then over the weekend I saw a movie called A Long Way Down, which wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but it is thought provoking.  Anyway... the highlight of the film was the song played in the scene where J.J. realizes he's being played for a fool: Youth by Daughter.  As I tend to, I instantly downloaded the song and listened to it about a million times, first because of its catchy melody, then because the lyrics resonated with me.

I've been brooding lately.  About life, humanity, myself and my perceived lack of achievement.  Discovering this song was a wow moment because it's exactly how I feel.  Here are the lyrics:

shadows settle on the place that you left

our minds are troubled by the emptiness

destroy the middle, it's a waste of time

from the perfect start, to the finish line

and if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones

cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

setting fire to our insides for fun

collecting names of the lovers that went wrong, 

the lovers that went wrong

we are the reckless, we are the wild youth

chasing visions of our futures

one day we'll reveal the truth

that one will die before he gets there

and if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones

cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone

we're setting fire to our insides for fun

collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home

it was a flood that wrecked this home

and you caused it

and you caused it

and you caused it

well i've lost it all, i'm just a silhouette

a lifeless face that you will soon forget

and my eyes are damp from the words you left

ringing in my head when you broke my chest

ringing in my head when you broke my chest

and if you're in love, then you are the lucky one

cause most of us are bitter over someone

setting fire to our insides for fun

to distract our hearts from ever missing them

but i'm forever missing him.

and you caused it. 

and you caused it.

and you caused it.

Goosebumps for me, every time I hear this ethereal song with soul quacking lyrics.  To me, it's about the accumulation of pain, the corruption of innocence and loss of childhood.  The realization that the world is a major disappointment, full of heart ache, followed by the desensitizing steps we take to protect  ourselves from further pain.  Yet, it seems to implore the listener to hold on to their pure, youthful naivety.  Not to loose it along the way, but to consider themselves lucky to be able to feel at all.  The alternative would be to become a silhouette, a lifeless, soon forgotten face.  It goes hand in hand with the Theory of Everything, and perks me up, because Stephen Hawking didn't allow this to happen to himself at all.  He remains one of the lucky ones.

Ultimately I think it's an empowering song.  Sort of saying: look at me, you don't want to to end up like this.  The words destroy the middle, it's a waste of time. from the perfect start, to the finish line together with we are the reckless, we are the wild youth.  chasing visions of our future. one day we'll reveal the truth, that one will die before he gets there; seem to caution against rushing through life without savouring the present moment, since that's all there ever really is.  Almost as if the lyrics are telling you that the secret to not becoming broken and cynical is to find a way to be happy in, and savour, the moment without letting it crush you.

I love it and I'm somewhat blown away by the message that the universe has conveyed to me twice this past week.  I've had the moment of wallowing self pity, followed by the swift kick up the ass I needed.  I won't be corrupted, numb, lifeless or bitter: there are no excuses for failure.

What do you think?  Bit heavy for a Tuesday morning?

celebrate the (big and) small things | Jan 23

After a gloomy and cold couple of days I'm celebrating the sun coming out in time for the weekend! Hooray!  Everything looks more cheerful with a sunny backdrop!

Also this week I'm celebrating two new additions to the family:

a baby blue point juniper and Baxter, saying hello

and a baby lavender <3
(this will be my third attempt at growing the herb, so fingers crossed!)

And something that's always cause for celebration is dates with girlfriends! This week I've had two!  Lunch and a wedding dress fitting with my girl Meredith who gets married in May // then The Theory of Everything at the cinemas with my love Susanna.

I should mention that this movie, about the life of Stephen Hawking, blew my mind and opened my eyes in a way I can't describe.  I highly, highly recommend it and plan on buying it for myself the second it comes out on dvd.  Perhaps the biggest thing I should celebrate this week is the lesson I received from this incredibly moving film - about the tenacity, positivity and sheer purity of the soul of the man who has achieved so much despite a horribly debilitating disease: a condition that surely would have destroyed a lesser man.  It's a testimony to the human being, really, that in spite of body wasting away, the mind can reach such heights through simple, unwavering determination and positivity.

I actually haven't stopped crying.  I mean I've literally been breaking down on and off since watching it.  Its impact so deep that it's caused me to reevaluate my life and all my bull-shit, nonexistent, self-pitying excuses about why I haven't grabbed life by the scruff of the neck and fought for my dreams.  I'm filled with shame for myself, and awe for the man.  I have a renewed sense of determination and believe that if Stephen Hawking can smile and achieve more than anyone ever thought he was capable of, I simply have no excuse.  How can I even dare to invent one?  I refuse to wallow any longer!  Please do yourselves a favour and see this film.  If it doesn't drastically affect your outlook on life, then at least you will know more about what it's like to walk in the shoes of this lovable, brilliant, radiant man.  If you're anything like me, you'll be left with a bit of a crush really.

Hope everyone has a marvelous weekend.  Don't forget to give thanks for your able bodies, mouths that speak, eyes that see and ears that hear!  For that alone, you are blessed.

this week's tip | do something that scares you

After writing all about my public squid eating experience, I realized that doing something scary actually feels very rewarding afterwards!

For me, the self-conscious scenario of eating an unconventional food was made worse by the fact that I was sitting in a busy food court, alone, and already feeling exposed.  When you're eating out with somebody, you rarely notice anyone else and you don't really care about how messy you are.  But in lone-dining situations, I always find myself eating very carefully, tying not to spill or slurp.  In all honestly, my self-consciousness probably wasn't even about what I was eating, so much as the vulnerability I felt at having an audience.

It's not that I'm agoraphobic, or anthropophobic, but am I alone in feeling like I'm being stared at and judged when I eat in front of a bunch of strangers by myself?  Even if no one is looking!  It's a tense situation, I don't like how it feels and I try to find corner tables whenever I can... but having said that, I will own to feeling a triumphant sense of victory when I'm successfully done eating at a center table, then I can rise from the table and leave gracefully - without tripping, dropping anything or bumping anything!

This empowering, triumphant feeling makes it all worth it and it's why I repeatedly choose to eat in a food court or crowded restaurant, alone.  It's like a test for my confidence and a way to desensitize myself from that feeling of discomfort.  With frequent, successful experiences: I'm sure it's bound to work.  I'm bound to overcome this fear of dining alone - whether I spill everything, break the chair simply by sitting on it, or topple the whole table over.  Yep, eventually, it's bound to work.  And eventually, I'll stop picturing these types of worst-case scenarios!

In a moment of sheer zen, I envision myself casually sitting at a fancy, busy restaurant all alone.  I'm drinking red wine over a white table cloth and white summer dress, eating raw oysters, squid or anything else unconventional that I feel like.  I imagine the careless feeling within, that my grown confidence has bestowed and I see myself smiling as I remember how afraid of this exact scenario I used to be.  I can feel how wonderful it is.  I am chilled.  I have slayed that dragon, conquered something that used to terrify me and now I am cool, collected and chic.  I wish the same for you.