Tuesday Tunes {Ænema by Tool}

Basically the second my puberty arrived, my taste buds changed dramatically and overnight I went from listening endlessly to The Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls to rock and roll.  I think it's rather fortunate that this occurred in the 90's when rock was borderline mainstream and there was no shortage of purely awesome bands.  Out of my favourites (Deftones, Korn, Placebo, Limp Bizkit, Staind, Godsmack....) few have stayed in my adult playlists.  One of the ones that has - and probably always will at this point - is Tool.

I remember how shocked my devout Baptist mother would be at their album art strewn around my room: exclaiming the symbols were 'witchcraft' and the images were 'blasphemous' or 'devil worshiping.'  I grew up with a lot of fear instilled into me regarding many things, but I was never afraid of Tool's visuals and I used to stare at the album art on Lateralus for ages, thinking it was beautiful. I know I'm super lucky mum never saw any of their video clips though! That would have ensured immediate disposal of all Tool contraband! (  :) love ya mum!) 

While I believe the band intentionally set out to shock people for greater impact, to me Tool never appealed from that stand point.  I always thought that aside from their amazing, genuinely unique sound and time signatures; they were great because of their thought provoking lyrics that challenge societal structures/ government systems and expose the discontent that many people feel with the world - all the things true rock was supposed to be about in the first place.  

Although I eventually outgrew the anger and daddy issues that attracted me to heavy metal rock bands like Korn and Staind, Tool's lyrics became more and more relevant as my journey through life and self discovery continued... it was like: 

yes, I feel numb.  

no, the social clicks, partying and fashion labels aren't filling the void.  

yes, i feel disconnected from my peers and colleagues -

the religious people in my life seem so hypocritical and judgmental.

no one seems to care about what i care about: the environment/ true love/ real relationships,

happiness.

yes, i feel chewed up and spat out.

no, i don't have any corporate aspirations. no clue what i want for the rest of my life.

yes, that makes me feel mental.

no, i don't know the answer.

but it's ok.  

i'm actually not alone.

because of music like this, i feel more normal than I believed. 

I love almost every Tool song I've ever heard, but I chose to feature Ænema because this song is one of the most direct about the discontentment of the current human condition.  It's raw, it's honest and - in true Tool fashion - the video clip is a confrontational visual aide for the turmoil felt within.  To me, it portrays what happens to our soul when we  disconnect from our higher selves and replace decency, comradery, simplicity, compassion and community // with competition, materialism and jealousy.  Very powerful in conjunction with the the lyrics, included here.  I believe 'learn to swim' is a metaphor for 'wake the ffff up' and I don't want to just pick on LA - to me, the whole world's a mess in need of a wake up call (...though not necessarily mass genocide through natural catastrophe as the song implies).

Ok, I'll include a more mellow song too - one of Tool's most popular/ mainstream in fact: Schism.  This is a beautiful song of hope for mankind 'I know the pieces fit, cause I watched them fall away...'  I love this song - but again, beware of the video, it will stir any emotions the lyrics fail to unsettle.     

PS/ I've since learnt that the controversial album covers in question were the artwork of Alex Grey - a Buddhist practitioner, subtle healing energy expert and what many in the spirit science community would call a guru. His art portrays what we would (do) look like if we were (are) pure energy - a topic that is often brought up in Tool's lyrics. 

PPS/ The symbols upon the cover are in fact wicca... Ooops. Sorry mum. 

the white winged doves

About a month ago, just after the official beginning of spring, Will and I were sitting in our living room playing chess, when we noticed two white winged doves mating in the live oak tree right in front of our balcony!  Yep, we saw the whole shebang - ruffled feathers and all!  We watched as the male dismounted and flew away a short time later, leaving the female alone with her thoughts in the aftermath.  She sat there for a long time, barely moving and I wondered what she was thinking about... whispered echoes of abandonment resounding through my hollow mind.

After that day, we'd see one or both of those doves returning to that exact spot very frequently - from what we could tell, several times an hour.  When I couldn't stand it any longer and curiosity got the better of me, I peered over the balcony railing - hoping to discover any visible trace of significance to the birds; when I noticed they were building a nest!  I'm not sure whether this is typical, or if Will and I simply have two of the most sentimental white winged doves ever heard of, but I was paralyzed in that spot that day as I watched their nest take form in the very spot they consummated their feathery love.  I felt grounded by the weight of this new revelation unfolding before me: love is truly all around.

this was the very first pic I took of the nest, at the beginning of spring and
 just after they'd finished building it.  Look, there was still pollen in the tree!

As the days went by, Will and I watched the doves take turns sitting in their now completed nest.  We saw two perfect little eggs and felt the loving concern of the parents who never once left their side, waiting for one to arrive before the other took flight, fixed the nest after every storm or strong wind and ferociously protected them against intruding birds and squirrels.  Before long, the dogs were as curious as we were - Baxter endlessly watching the glass sliding door and letting one of us know every time the doves stirred.  "Shift changes" became our favourite event to watch: the restless parent upon the nest would make a few of those 'whoo' sounds and the other - obviously never far away - would arrive promptly to take up its shift upon the nest so the first one could fly and feed.  We didn't realize for a while that there were only two shift changes a day - each parent spent roughly 12 hours on the eggs each!

a murky through-the-glass photo of a 'shift change'
(yes, I fumbled and raced like an idiot to capture this. you're welcome). 

Baxter ceaselessly watching the doves <3
that tree beyond the rail is literally where they nested!

The doves became part of our family.  We even named them: Patricia and Walter/ a.k.a Pat & Wally.  I guess we became part of theirs too, because after a while they no longer reacted to our presence out on the balcony and would sleep through my plant waterings, Baxter's bark-greeting everyone that walked by and evening telephone conversations over coffee right beside their tree.

Then last Monday (April 6th) our white winged doves became more active than usual.  Pat, as ever sitting on the nest, was visited by Wally several times an hour, when he would mount her and then fly off again!  I saw the exchange clearly from my spot at the dining table where I sat working.  Again, curiosity got the better of me and I abandoned by draft, moving closer to the glass sliding door so I could see what he was bringing her during each visit.  Food I thought... but I was wrong.  Wally was bringing sticks!  And as Patti sat, he'd climb on top of her and arrange the sticks beneath her - fixing the nest before taking off again for more.  Damaged by the wind, I thought... but again I was proved wrong, when Pat shifted slightly to one side and I saw a piece of broken eggshell fall slowly from the nest!  WE HAVE BABIES I howled into the phone at Will a second later.  And indeed we did.

Over the past week, we've witnessed two perfect little dove babies growing and changing rapidly.  They don't have their white wings just yet, in fact they've barely stopped resembling freaky, featherless aliens, but these babies whom only a mother could love actually have a loving, devoted father who still comes and sits on them his equal share of the time, fixes the nest frequently to allow for the growing twins and regurgitates his food dutifully as well!  Our white winged babies were born from love, in a spot significant to their parents, they were incubated in love and are now completely surrounded by love with an adopted human/ canine family that's sworn to play their part in protecting them from harm.

If I was able to see auras, I'd swear the entire tree glowed in the colour of love... whatever colour that is... green?  I can feel love radiating from and around that spot whenever I'm out there, whether night or day and whether my eyes are opened or closed.

It's hard to explain what I feel when I look out of my glass doors at the little bird family in oak tree.  Seeing firsthand that nature is all around us and exists just the way it's portrayed in National Geographic documentaries spreads a uniquely wonderful, serene feeling through me.  It's clear that humans are so disconnected from nature these days and Will and I are no exception.  Somehow sharing our space with another creature family has made us aware of, and saddened by, our lack of involvement in the world of nature surrounding us.  We've begun to ask the question: is distance from nature is also distance from true, unwavering love?

I once wondered what Patti thought after Wally flew away that first, fateful day.  Was she scared?  Full of regret?  I now know that they had a signed contract before the deed was even done and she felt secure, knowing irrevocably that he'd see his part out.  He'd support her.  Be a good, nurturing father.  He'd come back every day to help her and watch them.  They are a team. It's only humans that have forgotten what true love is.  Only us that can feel afraid or abandoned after the act of making "love".  We think we're superior to any being on the planet, but even birds to it better!  They're better partners, better parents/ no excuses, no cop-outs.  They got together to do something and by god: they DID.  I can tell it's not easy as I watch them day and night.  Regurgitating meals several times an hour/ not eating as much as they'd like due to being stuck in the tree/ balancing for hours on end upon the fragile bones of their precious babies/ being stuck in the same spot no matter the weather...

Patti, in the rain 

Let's be honest, most humans would have tapped out by now.  It saddens me for the state of humanity but also fills me with hope that love (and commitment) is not dead in all the world, when there's such a pure example right outside my balcony.  Their babies continue to grow and change while I continue to stand and stare at the spot where just over a month ago, two white winged doves acted out springtime and built a family from love; hoping that my family will likewise withstand the weather, the hard times and sacrifices.

celebrate the small things | Mar 6

Hello to everyone celebrating today!  I can't wait to share in your joy with you!  As for me, I'm celebrating several huge things: a blissful anniversary cruise around the Caribbean and checking off several bucket list items along the way!

If you've peeked at my blog recently, you'll see I'm all about said cruise!  So much happened and it was everything I wanted our anniversary to be: romantic, adventurous, spontaneous, magical: perfect in every way!  Besides the plethora of on-board entertainment and sheer awesomeness of the ship that kept us super busy every day; we also had no internet or mobile phone connection for the entire week!  Although this meant that I couldn't share things as they happened - and now have to play catch up with about 500 photos - I'm glad we didn't have connectivity, because without the distractions of FaceBook, Instagram or Will's never-ending work emails, we really had a chance to unplug from the rest of the world and reconnect with each other. What wife doesn't want that?

Anyway, here are the bucket-list items I can cross off my list, thanks to the cruise:

1. a visit to Mexico (although I didn't get to see anywhere near as much as I'd like!)

The best part was that Will and I rented a scooter and went off on our own, exploring everything we wanted on Cozumel Island.  It was neat to see how the locals live.

2. Mayan Ruins  - we visited not one, not two, but three different sites:
San Gervasio on Cozumel Island in Mexico

Altun-Ha in Belize:

 and Chaccoben in the Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico

3. learning about the Mayans from an actual Mayan family - this came with a bonus visit to their house and traditional lunch that I hadn't even imagined in my dreams!

4. drinking a pina colada from a coconut on a pristine Caribbean beach

5. snorkeling in the second largest coral reef in the world

6. steak tartare from one of the best French restaurants in New Orleans (before we set sail).  I'd never had raw meat before and it was exquisite! 

7. a real, on-stage, magical illusion show!  This was so much fun and I was amazed that the world renowned duo 'Sander and Alison' were just part of the ships' on-board entertainment!  We got to see two of their acts and I was stunned each time

  

8. attending a real art auction

Needless to say, I've had to pinch myself several times to confirm that this is all real.  I feel so grateful and happy that I'm literally bursting.  I wish the same happiness for every single one of you x.

Our Caribbean Cruise

Now that we've been back on land a few days, our heads have stopped swimming and we've had time to reflect: the Norwegian Cruise Line has sent us an overall impression questionnaire that's put me in rather a nostalgic mood.  With below freezing temperatures back here in Austin and a perpetually overcast sky, Will and I are yearning to be back on board that carefree ship - sipping cocktails while working on our tans... Nothing in the world to worry about... expect for which of the 8 restaurants we would choose for dinner!

As I answered Norwegian's questionnaire (with positives across the board), I realized how much we'd loved our cruise!  It was such a great way to unplug from work and our daily routines.  We had no internet connection almost the whole time, so were kind of forced to be together and really be in each other's company.  Of course, I loved this... but although Will struggled a little with not knowing what was going on at work, in the end he was thankful for the respite and came back refreshed. Some other major highlights were:

* our sweet little room (that turned out bigger than expected)

* our enthusiastic room attendant for whom no task was too much trouble... and the different, adorable towel-animals he left on our bed every day: 

* the helpful, happy, friendly, smiling, dancing staff all over the ship - as far as the eye could see!  Here they are at the Costa Maya port in Mahahual, Mexico, awaiting our return with a red carpet and refreshments:

* dressing up to attend the nightly entertainment in the super grand theater!

(the atrium was also v.grand and showcased nightly entertainment)

* the plethora of activities. 

True to form, I geeked out and immersed myself in education! Namely the art and Chinese medicine -
while Will gambled, lay poolside, or joined new acquaintances for pub trivia!
Here I am with one of my fave works of art from the ship: Without Borders by Peter Max

* deck games 

* the amazing shore visits (that I will blog about separately, later)

* the endless dining options - including the biggest buffet either of us have ever seen.
We were eating allllll the time!  And yet, we didn't even gain a little bit of weight because it was really good, healthy good!  It was brilliant!  By the third day, we had a joke about saving room for 'second and third dinner.'

* those elaborate signature cocktails that changed daily - obviously we had to try them all :)

* and of course, those breathtaking sunsets!

I'm really not sure why people say cruising is for oldies.  Sure, there were plenty of old people on board (the majority if I'm honest), but there's so much to do for peeps our age - and even the teenagers (that all formed a clique by the end) had a blast.  Although our cruise was more about the destinations and shore excursions than the actual ship itself: I'd always pictured cruising to be more like the posh and glamorous portrayal of the Titanic movie, and less like the crotchety, sailing-nursing home I've heard others compare it to... I wasn't disappointed.   

Over the next few days, I'll be blogging about the shore excursions themselves.  There were four in total - Cozumel, Mexico | Belize City, Belize | Roatan Island, Honduras | and Mahahual, Mexico - each unique and exceptionally wonderful!  For now I just wanted to praise the cruise, the program, staff and everything about Norwegian Cruise Line.  Will and I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate our marriage.