who cut the cheese?

For as long as I've known Will, he's been saying that the height of success is to receive a wheel of cheese because this gift can only mean two things: 1) you've made it in life and people know there's no other earthly item you doesn't already possess or need OR 2) you've surrounded yourself with well-to-do people that give these types of gifts. 

While we've had this conversation many, many times; the after affects have never been discussed, namely what happens after you receive an enormous wheel of cheese?  That's why when he found out our local grocery store was having a 'cheese cutting' ceremony at 2pm yesterday, Will took it as a sign from the universe, arranged his lunch break accordingly and dragged me along to learn how to cut and properly store large amounts of cheese.  The whole five minute drive to the store, he was giddily making fifth grade jokes about cutting the cheese - if you know what I mean.

I normally frown upon Will's hair brained schemes and talk him out of them but as I saw no negative repercussions to this one - other than loosing some time out of my day and a few fake laughs at the fifth grade jokes - I went along and with considerable embarrassment stood in the crowd (which consisted of employees out of the deli section and a few day time pension shoppers).

As I looked around, I realized that the only two people actually excited about being there were my husband and the man cutting the cheese.  Everyone else was red faced and cross armed - hoping that no one they knew from the outside world walked by to witness this mandatory work event.  Then the funniest thing happened - the cheese cutter who was giving an excited cheese history lesson and presenting like this was his shot at an Olympic title, snapped the cheese cutting wire and became distraught about his demonstration not going to plan.  His utter depression actually eased the tension in the crowd, as people smiled and several uncrossed their arms.  During this whole time, Will had been grinning and taking photos for future reference.  

This might be the dorkiest thing we've ever done - cheese cutting at HEB

Once the cheese was cut with a regular knife (anticipation palpable) we were given our first taste of a 200LB Swiss cheese wheel.  The first bite went down well but then bitter disappointment set in as I realized I still don't like cheese.  Will was disappointed too since he'd arrived here expecting to leave with at least a quarter of the wheel but the taste of it didn't justify the expense.  I'm not sure why he was expecting a wheel of cheese to taste different to regular cheese...

On the drive home (that I was expecting to be filled with Will's disappointment and abandonment of the with the cheese-wheel/ success theory)  he informed me that he thinks we don't know enough about cheese and should therefore take a cheese tasting course, or perhaps enroll in a season of classes.  I starred out the window in shock - afraid that I might have supported the wrong hair brained scheme after all.